Sunday, January 4, 2009

Conflict......... Resolution?

One of my niecelets trying to escape her father.

My life seemed to be going along swimmingly and then all of a sudden- BAM!! There were conflicts in my life..... with an artist, with an employee, with my dry cleaner. I hate that. Why do people have to upset the apple cart? I would really just rather get along.

The funny thing about conflict is that people (me included) move directly to the worst case scenario- You don't like me, I'm leaving, nothing has ever been any good between us.


I had a small epiphany after this exchange with an employee. "You think all my work is bad, I have been unhappy for a long time, and blah, blah, blah, and it is time to look for a new job I guess." Sighhh....... the epiphany was that he was giving me no way to talk to him when things weren't right when he immediately jumped to the "You hate everything I do" stance. What is it about conflict that makes every body's force shields go into hyper drive?

Ironically I picked up a new book at my library yesterday (I know, I know- reading my life away) by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor called Stroke of Insight (do take the time to watch this whole video). She describes the two halves of the brain that all human beings have in common. She also describes the circuitry that connects those two halves which make us the individuals we are. Because that circuitry is not part of our DNA it is unique to each person. She also describes the role of each half of our brain and why it is that individuals will often display conflicting personality traits- dictated by the separate lobes.

It makes me wonder that as human beings we share such common materials, yet that small tidbit of unique material causes such disparate personalities. And thus conflict arises. How do we maintain that connection to others and our common genetic materials? I suspect that is a lifetime of work.


LYC said...

Nobody likes criticism - justified or not...many or most people are not willing to accept they're not perfect or rather - to accept that they're not doing their best...yet isn't that what we want to be? It's just that we especially don't want to hear it when it's true.

SMC said...

You are right.... most people are trying their best. I remember when I first started doing production Weaving for Nancy Lyons. She pointed out every mistake and made me fix them. Pretty soon I had "eyes" for mistakes and they stopped occurring.... but finding the right language to convey someone's mistakes (or flaws) to them is tricky.

SMC said...

Let me be very quick to point out that I have responded to this exact situation in the same way- "well I'll just leave." Over the last couple of years with himself he has pointed out what a childish response it is. And, indeed, it is.... and counter productive. I believe I have eliminated it from my repertoire of childish responses- just leaving my smug, superior and oh-so-adult responses.