Body Image

My friend, Maria, was up for the week at her vacation home up the street from me. She is a dog walking buddy but the best part is that she is a talker too. We always have something to hash over or work out.

This time she rolled out the door and then rolled her eyes “Thank goodness they wanted to cancel the brunch plans this morning. I feel like we have been eating non-stop for days.” Christmas seems to be a time of excess for everyone. She then recounted her husband and son’s unspoken contest to eat the other under the table. Maria is a diabetic so she is very careful of her intake. She is also very slim.

“Ugh, I just feel so fat after all that eating. I can feel it in my cheeks. I really need this walk. I have to be careful. Food is poison. ”

“But you are so slim.”

“I wasn’t always. When I went away to college I got into the afternoon cookies and got up to 160 pounds. I was a pudge.”

She rolled her eyes again and laughed- “Body image!”

“Yeah who doesn’t have a negative body image?” And I shared my bout with anorexia as a young teen. “I don’t think I was controlling things so much as punishing myself for all my flaws- body included.”

She laughed again and said “what flaws?”

“Come on- look at me. What’s to like?”

“You are kidding, aren’t you?”

"Yeah, right. I'm kidding."

Yeah- right. It’s still a struggle.

That would be me in 3rd grade before I cared so much about my body.... but I did love the paisley dress my mother sewed for me. I am still partial to paisley.

Body Image

I have a walking buddy that I met last year. She lives in Connecticut and only comes up here on weekends during the more desirable months of the year. I always enjoy finding someone who is willing to walk the number of miles I like to walk AND can keep up with me. She also likes to talk!

She belongs to a woman's discussion group. One of the questions she would like to pose to this group is- Name a part of your body that you like with no qualifications.

Hmmmmmm... that is a tough question. My whole life I have focused on what is wrong with my body- as I believe most women do. I have no chin, my teeth are too big, I am built like the long distance biker that I was with very athletic legs and the list goes on and on.

But I have made peace with many parts of my body too. So many people define me by my outsize smile that I have just accepted it as part of me. I have gained a few pounds over the years, but I am still a respectable size 8 or 10, which isn't bad for my height. My hair is SO thick and wild that I have found the only acceptable thing to do is cut it off as short as possible, which most people say looks quite chic.

So what do I like about myself? My height. I am 5'9" and when I wear heels, which is most days, I am about 6 feet.

It is a part that wasn't always my friend and something I was a little ashamed of. As a younger woman I envied all the petite French Canadian girls, who are the dominant culture in New England. They were all so cute. I felt like a horse. I am sure I suffered from the tall girl slouch.

I think after marrying it became a non-issue for me. My husband was 6'8" so I was petite in his eyes, but I don't think that's why it went from being a liability to an asset. I think it had to do with the fact that being married meant that I was attractive. I am an odd cup of tea, but at least I am someone's cup of tea.

The older I get the less important it is for me to make men feel comfortable in my presence. Thus, I never hesitate to wear high heels. If they want to feel uncomfortable, it is their problem. And they can make up all the lies they want about their height:

"I am six feet tall."

Yeah, in your stilettos. Besides, I am looking down on your bald spot.

Finding clothes can be a little bit of a hassle. I need tall pants which aren't too hard to find anymore, but shirts are a pain. The 3/4 sleeves comes up to my elbows and fitted blouses tend to have a waistline that hits me half way up my rib cage. But my height gives me automatic authority and power that I enjoy. I am also pretty easy to find in a room. I wouldn't give it up for the world.