Special Delivery

We just had a new front walk installed- isn't it beautiful? The boyfriend was having an issue with the snow & ice removal on a walkless walk. This was the solution.

Look closely- notice the tire tracks through the freshly laid soil? I saw it one morning and assumed the boyfriend had problems backing out of his parking place. The next morning I noticed a parallel set. Who could possibly be having such a difficult time negotiating our driveway- which is a long, sweeping arc?

Could it be our newspaper delivery guy? The one who drove over the lawn instead of negotiating the ruts of our gravel drive that is the birthright of any lucky enough to live in the Northeast in Spring? So out come the sawhorses we use to help drivers ford the natural path to our house without sinking up to their hubcaps in the lawn. Now they keep the delivery guy from getting two feet closer to our front door.... the better to toss the newspaper under the porch or into a bush.

Sheesh! I know JAF has her own issues with newspaper delivery too. Apparently this teabag thing is a pretty big tent so perhaps if the two of us throw teabags at them we could get some consideration for helping to pay newspaper delivery guys' salaries.... kinda' like customer service or something.

Yippee This! Yippee That!

Yippee! Daffodils are nodding in the sunlight.



Yippee! The daffodils are displaying perfect timing by holding back in others parts of my garden so I get a long display.




Yippee! The sedum is sprouting its blood red leaflets.









Yippee! The yarrow is exposing its feathery fronds.











Yippee! Snowdrops! Need I say more?































Yippee! Easter colored crocuses.

REALLY? That's Impressive!

Henry isn't really throwing up here, but he could be.

"Really? That's impressive" said Louise in response to my sharing that the last time I threw up was 7 years ago.

She stopped in to my workplace and was helping me convert Word files into Excel- something I didn't even know was possible. I was recounting the last few day's horrors. She wanted to know if the doctor had prescribed anything for the pain.

"Yeah, vicodin, but the label didn't mention anything about taking it with food," I replied. I took it as prescribed through the previous evening and night. I took one on awakening and then went for my morning walk. I arrived back home and immediately tossed my cookies.

I hate throwing up so much that I can remember the exact time I last did it- It would have been August of 2002. I would almost rather die than throw up.

Thank goodness I have a cast iron stomach- most of the time.

These Boots Were Made For Walking

I was reading in the newspaper about the Climate-Change Czarina, Carol Browner. The reporter was clearly impressed that this woman walked a mile to work- everyday! And in stylish clothing!

I walk approximately 5 miles about 4-5 mornings each week. I like it. It is fun and good exercise. It is , decidedly, not a big deal. On many work days I do errands on foot. The trip to my bank and back is about a mile. It takes me 20 minutes to go in both directions. My dog likes the walk too as many of the establishments we visit have cookies as a reward for being so well behaved in a queue.

I am not listing my walking routine to impress, but to show that walking has simply become part of my life. My 5 mile walk takes me about an hour and 15 minutes- longer if I run into a neighbor to talk to. My walk gives me a complete hour to think and arrange my day- only interrupted by the tweets and cackles of the birds.

So many people think that this amount of walking is a superhuman feat, but it is, quite literally, as easy as putting one foot in front of the other. Many are defeated in exercise programs because they feel they can never accomplish their goals. The reality is they just need to adjust how they think.

I use to be a long distance biker. My mother would wistfully dream of joining me on a jaunt so one Mother's Day I told her we would spend the weekend biking to my brother's house in Newmarket and back- about 75 miles round trip. I promised her she would make it and if we ran into any steep hills we would walk up them. I am pretty sure she doubted she could actually do it. But do it, she did- and it became an annual Mother's Day ride. It also changed her attitude about what she was capable of physically.

I think there are a lot of things in life that are like this. If you can break an impossible job into smaller tasks it can become doable. When I feel swamped by something I pick smaller parts of the problem to tackle. Eventually things are not so overwhelming and the problem is solved.

It reminds me that I keep dreaming of walking to Montreal. I bet I can.

And The Cycle Continues

It was sunny but still breezy & cool today. Nevertheless, it was above freezing and there is very little snow left around the yard. So that, right there, is reason to celebrate with a little early spring yard work.

I clipped all of last season's echinacea from the front of the house. I enjoy looking at their dark brown seed heads all winter, but now they are bent and broken. There is also signs of life around their roots- I need to make way for that!

I clipped all the Miscanthus backs to its base to make way for this year's growth. Most of their beautiful stalks were broken in the ice storm back in December so they are not as graceful as they might normally be anyways. I also raked a large pile of twigs and pine needles over the banking- the detritus of a fallen tree from the same storm.

There is not much to look at, unless you get down on your hands and knees and lift up dead basal leaves to take a peep. It is still satisfying work. All that promise!

Loss of Innocence... Again

I am feeling amazingly betrayed by the medical profession right now. It feels a lot like losing my innocence. Aren't they Gods? Don't they know everything? I know they try to let you make your own choices after they present all the options.... but aren't they suppose to present you with all the information? I believed in them.

After seeing dentists, endodontists, physicians & periodontists over the last week and 1/2 it turns out I will have a tooth pulled next week. I was informed that I have major bone loss and probably have been living with an infection in my jaw for years.

I am one of those wacky "body is a temple" people. The loss of a body part is traumatic and calls for nightly crying jags- even when it is a body part as insignificant as a tooth. It seems like such a defilement of my body. Where were all the medical professionals that I pay good money to during the years this infection was festering? I am guessing that they were busy at professional development courses and couldn't be bothered with actual patient care.


I want to blame someone for this defilement of my body. I have to wonder at dentists & physicians who blithely diagnosed sinus infections over the last ten years despite the only symptom being pain in the teeth, jaw & head. Why did I pay for X-rays of my mouth every year? Clearly they weren't to detect any hidden problems or disease. I am guessing they eased a cash flow problem.

There is this incredible fear of single payer health care in this country... that somehow quality will go downhill if the Government takes over. I have a hard time believing that it could be any worse than it currently is or cost any more. I do recognize that each individual needs to advocate for themselves and educate themselves on all options. Paying good money and being diligent about seeing your doctors is no guarantee that you are getting quality care.

"Get use to it, honey" said my partner about my failure of faith in doctors. "It is going to happen a lot more as you get older." I think she was saying that as you need doctors more and more because your body is breaking down, you can count on them less and less.

I Don't Know.....

If you have been following me on any one of my various outlets, you will know that I have been dealing with a bum tooth for the past week. After dentists, endodondists, physicians and now periodontists it turns out I have a terrible infection that has inhabited my head for a number of years. Sort of funny... and not. The periodontist took a look under the hood today and discovered the infection.

"Has your eye been hurting?"

"Umm.... yeah."

After a little minor surgery and scraping around he definitively said the tooth was a goner and needed to be pulled. He was stymied by the extent of the infection. It was probably the result of a fracture about 27 years ago and would explain my long history of unexplained sinus infections.

As he was working on my tooth he kept up a patter that I knew was meant to distract me, but he said the big bad words: "I don't know why this happened." Now I can tell you I started crying in his chair, but I pretty much cry at anything. Some friends would describe me as big, bad Sarah but the truth is that emotions overwhelm me on occasion and the tears just leak out of my eyes. Just another reason, in a long list, not to wear eye makeup.

The words "I don't know" are scary to me because they are fraught with uncertainty. They mean anything could happen. My rampantly fertile mind had already spent the weekend imagining that I had a brain tumor. As I reclined in the doctor's chair I thought of my two little sisters who are dealing with all the "I don't knows" of cancer. I thought of my husband's death and the months of "will I make it?- I don't know" limbo that I lived in. My boyfriend's constant reminder that he has outlived many of the men men in his lineage by a decade is a huge "I don't know" for me.

In the big scheme of things the loss of some bone in my jaw and a tooth is hardly a body part to weep over. Perhaps it is just indicative of the inevitable slide towards decay & death. Perhaps it is a reminder that I don't have forever to leisurely accomplish what I want to in my life.

So, what do I want to accomplish? I don't know.